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A few centuries ago, the birth of a girl child was considered a taboo; a curse by the gods. A pregnant woman had two options; either she aborts a pregnancyshe predicts to be a female child or wait to birth it and be forced to give it up to gynocide. Either way, she loses. It was claimed that the girl was better dead than alive. Male offspring were most preferred; their existence gave their parents a sense of pride and honour in the society.

A male child was an achievement even if he were rotten to the core. He was seen as an heir who will provide for his parents in their old age. Boys, as trained providers, were seen as benefits to their households while the girl child seems to only take more and provide less. So much goes into preparing her for her future husband and in-laws, which is believed to be the purpose of her life.

Centuries later, the world has experienced a decline in customary female infanticide, but the place of the woman in society is still inferior to men. A young man is allowed to explore his mind, question beliefs, have opinions about social issues and to an extent, challenge political authorities he disagrees with. He has the freedom to think, seek knowledge and formulate theories that will be held with high esteem if he can defend them. However, his feminine counterpart dares not raises her voice, God forbid she thinks for herself. Her entire life is structured and dictated to her daily. This social manual guides even the most trivial of activities such as playing and walking. It has to be by custom, lest she becomes tainted and unwanted. Her mental faculties have been limited to household chores and domestic duties. The confinement of her husband’shouse is her entire world and she is not allowed to explore beyond its walls.

A lot of people still hold the belief that women exist solely for the pleasures of a man and should conform to a socially constructed beauty standard. For this reason, women undergo a lot of physical and psychological stress trying to keep up with the pressure. In some societies, women are forced to conform to these standards and are subjected to physical torment for the appeal of men. How well a woman complies with these standards influences her social status and her family’s honour. Although acts like foot bindingby the Chinese, Kayan neck stretchingby the Burmese and body scarringby the Surma tribe of Ethiopia have almost become extinct, modern extreme beauty procedures still exist with as much health consequences as the ancient.

All over the world in this modern era, women are still experiencing gross violations of their rights. The society is deeply rooted in misogyny so much so that women are punished for the crimes of men. A female survivor of gender-based violence gets blamed for the actions of the man. Society blames her dressing, her demeanour, her body structure and even her existence. She is sometimes forced to marry the perpetrator or live out the rest of her life in shame. Most societies tend to control women’s bodies and sexuality through violent acts like female gender mutilationand breast ironingas a means to reduce promiscuity and sexual violence rather than confront the male perpetrators. Acts like bride burning, dowry deathand honor killingsfurther highlight how women experience violence even from their families. Their only crime was their femininity.

Sexism has been normalised in society and romanticised by popular culture. The media feeds viewers the notion that society is “male-dominated”. The phrase “It’s a man’s world”springs up every time women stand up to female-targeted oppressions. This phrase is chanted by both men and women alike to remind the freedom fighter that it is a male centred society. Regardless, advocates of gender equality still push for justice and amplify the voices of victims whose suffering has been trivialized.

In the fields of STEM, leadership and finance, high accolades and achievements have been reserved for men. At tender ages, girls are preconditioned to aspire for happily-ever after-marriagesand raise beautiful kids while boys are motivated to make groundbreaking innovations. Gender- bias content in media and books has stereotyped women to less future-shaping fields and careers. They are highly encouraged to be care-takers and build careers in that line.

Despite extreme sexism in positions of power, some women have fought against all odds to take up leadership roles. Women in political spaces are still fighting to reshape female related policies that have- for generations- failed to safeguard the rights of women. This remains an issue because women are highly underrepresented in the political spheres and some of their male counterparts still uphold patriarchal beliefs.

As the boy child walks up the ladder of life and experiences normal life challenges with enough freedom to cope, overcome and learn; a female child is restricted, limited and expected to hurdle through traumatizing obstacles that eventually breaks her to submit to the wills of society.

The American-Russian writer, Vera Nazarianencapsulated the whole essence of a woman when she wrote:

“A woman is human. She is not better, wiser, stronger, more intelligent, more creative, or more responsible than a man. Likewise, she is never less. Equality is a given. A woman is human.”

This year’sInternational Women’s Day(2020) celebrates each for equal; an opportunity to eliminate gender bias and create an enabled world. Women have rights, freedom, and choices as much as men. They are not aliens and should not be treated like lesser beings. They deserve to live in a just world. In the words of Susan B. Anthony:

            “Men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less”

Let’s take action against inequality and include the other half of humanity in shaping better societies!

 

Nana Aisha Murtala is the Programme Officer, Project Management and Administration at EWEI.

She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Human Anatomy from Bayero Univerity Kano and a Masters in Health Economics from Ahmadu Bello University Kaduna, Nigeria, speaks five languages and is an avid writer and computer IT enthusiast.

Ever wondered why the girl child matures faster than the boy child even if they’re both raised in the same environment by the same parents? Apart from biological advancement in girls, It is because of a toxic method of upbringing most parents (and the society)have adopted subconsciously. Sadly, while parents think they’re doing the girl child a favour, reverse is actually the case, the girl child ends up the victim.
Stay with me, I’ll explain.

In an average African home, at age 10 the girl child would already be saddled with responsibilities. “She has to be prepared” cleaning, cooking and general home making skill is a must! Constantly hearing songs like “you’re a girl, is that what you’d do in your husband’s house?” She can’t afford to slack in any area, she knows this, she’s heard it every day since she was born.

But that’s not all, purity and chastity are bells that have been rung into her brain more times than she’s heard her school bell ring. She’s heard about virginity and her wedding night, mensuration and the fear of getting pregnant, growing breasts and how they attract men. She’s been taught about dignity and living “right”, configured to be someone’s wife way before she knew her left from right.

It’s all just an effort to prepare her and that’s beautiful! I have nothing against that. But what are we preparing her for? Definitely not for herself, assuredly not for her own future but for a man, her would-be home, her husband.

Her husband who at age 10 probably knew nothing but how to do his homework when he returned from school…after all “boys shouldn’t cook or do the dishes”, at least not at that “tender age”. But what appears to be a “tender” age for a boy is where maturity starts to build up for the girl.

He’s a boy really, he can do whatever, “just don’t get any girl pregnant” I mean since when doesn’t male chastity matter? And as for decency, well that word is in the dictionary for girls only. While a boy keeps late nights, parties, drinks, looks as he pleases, and even has fist fights, the girl is told; “don’t compare yourself to Obi, he’s a boy and you’re a girl

So, while we grow the girls, we subconsciously neglect the boys. While the girls mature, the boys remain babies. Little wonder why we have a lot of badly raised men in recent times and nobody even realizes it till the man has to take responsibility for another life; a partner or a child. Then it dawns on you as a parent, guardian or society, you have succeeded in raising a baby with a moustache. Sadly, the girl you invested so much in would probably end up in the hands of a baby-man who would do you the honors of making your investment a total waste. The girl you thought you were doing a favour by deliberately raising “well” would end up a victim.

What do you think?

 

Johnson Priscilla Efe is a spokenword poet, writer, and an advocate for the girl child.  Enthusiastic about the female gender, she has over the years carried out research on sexual abuse and domestic violence and has volunteered for several girl-child related NGOs.

She is the founder of Xari Africa , an organization saddled with the responsibility of rectifying societal ills relating to the girl child, rebuilding victims of such issues and replicating results. She is passionate about young girls, children, and creative arts.

In her leisure time, she enjoys music, travelling, writing, blogging and speaking to young people.

 

Shakespeare once said “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” 

My name is Hiba Antoun, and I am 20 year old female from Roum (a rural village) in South Lebanon. Growing up, I have always dreamt to be successful. But let us define success; is it having a family? Being wealthy? Making friends? Reaching your goals? It is all a matter of subjectivity, it is relative to each person and can change throughout your lifetime.

When I was younger, success for me was to get high grades at school, be a model child pleasing the community I live in and make my parents proud. However, despite abiding by the mentioned above points I couldn’t help being a troublemaker.

I have never managed to be friends with rules and regulations. I always felt the urge to stand out by breaking them whilst maintaining the societal standards. This ended up getting me in trouble and endless arguments on daily basis. What resonated in my ears is: How come a smart girl, at the top of her class would exhibit such behavior? This sentence kept repeating itself every time people would try to convince me not to be a troublemaker.

While growing up, I held this sentence with me, what bothered me was not the fact that I was a troublemaker but the fact that being a female should have been a reason for me not to be one and act according to certain norms. Therefore, I decided to start breaking this norm step by step, I kept on being the troublemaker that I was but in a positive way. It is all a matter of perspective.

It was not nice for a girl to be smart and yet dismissed from class; yet I was, and maintained a high average, proving to be both. It was not common for girls to play sports; yet I participated in every possible tournament and inspired other girls to be part in sports teams. I did both martial arts and danced ballet. Public transportation was not recommended to be used by girls alone; yet I took the public bus every day.

I went camping, volunteering since the age of 12 and trying new things. Looking at myself, that was the first step of success, to be independent and pave my way labeled as an individual in the community and not a female individual; this is to be considered the new normal.

 At the age of 14, I insisted on moving  to a public school to face new odds and step out of my comfort zone.  This step, opened the opportunity for me to win a scholarshipwith the Kennedy-Lugar Youth Exchange and Study (YES) program as one of 30 students from Lebanon, to spend a year in the United States with a host family as a regular student.

 

At the beginning, my parents did not accept the idea, and they believed that there was no reason for me to be accepted. Interview after interview, exam after exam, it was time to take the final decision. For me, it was a dream come true, for them they were not able to believe that their little “girl” will be traveling alone, and for a year! I still was not able to understand what difference it was going to make. But eventually they believed in me and I was granted the opportunity. This was my second step towards success; living a dream and developing my independence while discovering myself.

Taking this step, encouraged another female friend to apply for the scholarship the year after and so the flow went on and on. It became a matter of competency rather than gender.

Coming back after experiencing the different life style and culture abroad, my perspective on success kept changing. It became more about setting goals and achieving them, overcoming the different obstacles in life and establishing a connection with the people around you. My parents couldn’t have been prouder (although they did not agree on my leaving for a year in the first place but seeing the results changed their perspective).

Yes, I learned the importance of setting a goal; often you will end up working against the odds. Some will believe in you, others will watch hoping you fail but once you succeed they will all eventually support you. And this will result in changing norms from being out of the normal (new) to being perceived normal. And that is when you know you have succeeded in what you are doing.

Currently, I consider myself as an emerging leader; I still have that little curiosity-driven troublemaker in me, but I managed to focus this energy on being a role model. I work with children, youth and adults to inspire, support, connect and build their capacity to lead positive change in their communities.

As a 20 year old female leader and fresh graduate, my road to success as a woman keeps developing. It started from getting good grades, to changing perspectives, defining the new normal, finding myself and mission in life and it is still on-going. I dream to become a leader on a national level, carry out studies, implement projects to influence positively the new generation and contribute towards their well-being.

What keeps me going is that to dare to dream, but most importantly to have the courage to work towards that dream and make it a reality. Peaks and valleys will always be there, and failure is inevitable; just don’t let your valleys be too low and your peaks too high.

Each one of us has a mission embedded deep in their heart. And throughout the journey of life and the different experiences we discover this mission step by step. Hence, success would be to know your purpose in life, understand yourself and work towards a set vision.

To every girl and women, join me on this journey!

Hiba F. Antoun: Hiba is a 20 year old Lebanese female with a degree in Economics. She started volunteering at 12 and has been working with the Development For People and Nature Association (DPNA)since 2014. She is also a Lead Pioneer with Generations for Peace and has delivered and participated in several trainings on conflict transformation, life skills and leadership. Moreover, she is the leader of Jezzine Hub; a youth-led community center that connects, empowers and incubates youth to contribute towards the socio-economic development of the Jezzine area. Hiba is an active leader in her community, with an interest in: youth and development, youth engagement, conflict transformation, youth and entrepreneurship, active citizenship.

I’m an island girl born and bred. With its 1.3 million residents, Trinidad and Tobago is as cosmopolitan as you can get! It’s no joking matter that our National Anthem says… “Here every creed and race finds an equal place”

Just recently we were adjudged to be amongst the top ten happiest people in the world.

So you can imagine my horror when I overheard the following…”Boy! I woulda beat she so eh, if dat was my chile an she did dead” (in Trinidadian vernacular) those were the immediate utterances of a work colleague when he heard of a situation involving a child who had fallen into a river. In his mind, instantly the child’s mother was to be held accountable and be given a beating for apparently “not watching de chile”.

It’s instances like those which always leave me perplexed! Isn’t parenting supposed to be a shared responsibility? From all accounts the father was right there, so when when did it become “acceptable” to flog or beat a woman for ones’ perceived wrongdoing, how is it that in a society such as ours; this behaviour has become commonplace?

What is that one characteristic that abusers seems to identify with and exactly what sets them apart from the non-abuser, how can it be that they react with such violence towards women so easily?

A former friend once confided to another friend and I that he’d hit his wife, I was shocked and upset “no friend of mine behaves in such a manner” I thought… It got even worse
when he began to describe what occurred and the actions he took “tuh bring she in line” only then did reality hit me (no pun intended) my former friend was a wife beater… It’s what he did to keep his woman in line. Evidently I’ve cut ties with him, I didn’t want to be guilty by association.

As a young adult I’d often say I didn’t want to associate with anyone who cheated or beat on their wives or abused their children. It’s like…show me a man who’s guilty of one act and I’d show you a perpetrator who’s guilty of all, I’ve since realized that that’s not necessarily the case, though in my view, they both bear a close resemblance.

The very harsh reality though, is that men continue to show their need for control and dominance over women, by neglect, ill treatment, verbal, physical, mental and sexual abuse and in this small island I call home, it’s even more glaring.

There’s no structural class or stature which determines who gets to feel the brunt of some insecure person’s need to exercise their desire to control that or one who needs no control. But rather you have a wide cross section of men who prove their manhood by abusing the more vulnerable in society.

It can be argued that we all have a role to play in the elimination of violence against women, that if we all stand up in defiance with one voice to support those who have none, then bit by bit we’d push out the abusers…but really and truly it would take a whole lot more than such a simplistic approach.

Then, this is exactly what happens, we begin to doubt the effectiveness of one approach over another and before we know it, nothing happens, we sit in silence and do nothing and the longer we take at doing nothing, is the more broken our mothers, daughters, aunts and sisters become. We have to work together for that change to happen, women and men and collectively our refusal to permit violence will go a long way in addressing this menace. Let’s all do our part in breaking the silence and stigma attached to violence against women and children. Our worth is way more than that of broken bone and black/blue eyes!

Trudy Hudlin is a Health Safety and Environmental Professional she resides and works in the Island Republic of Trinidad and Tobago. Her passion is and has always been people and keeping them safe is what she does best.

It is in this regard that Trudy has partnered with the women’s arm of the Trinidad and Tobago Police service on community walks and embarked on a T-shirt campaign both aimed at bringing about awareness and sensitizing the public on a ZERO TOLERANCE approach to domestic violence.

“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”  – Maya Angelou

Is Nigeria that far?!

There are countries that you know about because you`ve heard only nice and exotic things about them. On the other side there are countries that you know about only because you have been hearing about too often in the main news…for other reasons. Nigeria is that kind of country.

Yes, I know where Nigeria is.

I know what kind of people live in there. They are beautiful people. Beautiful from the inside and outside. I can easily recognise if someone is coming from Nigeria for instance.  No, I`m not biased. I just tell the truth.

The Nigerian Woman.

Let me introduce you shortly to one of them that I was pleased to meet four years ago.

She is humble, always speaks from her heart, warm, supportive, sensitive to other people`s needs… She is strong, takes initiative and of course she is absolutely beautiful. Her modesty makes her even more beautiful in the eyes of others.  The most important thing about her is she loves people regardless of their skin color, religion or social class. This woman is a representative unit of the Nigerian women. Imagine how strong these women are. Beside their strength they are still the most affected in the Nigerian society. I always have the tendency to hypothesize things.  – What would happen to Nigeria if these women will be allowed to realize their potential? I have the answer. It would mean the country would bloom. And there wouldn`t be violence.

Girls have been abducted! The abduction of the schoolgirls was a heading on each international TV channel.

Childhood interrupted irreversibly.

276 schoolgirls have been abducted. I assure you at this point none of them feels they are a child. For sure they’ve grown overnight. The discourse that has arisen about the topic looks like scratching the surface. The mainstream media didn`t do much in order to cause bigger pressure to the relevant institutions and stakeholders.

It is not enough just to inform the world how the things are going.  Now, I have feeling that this topic is no more attractive to them. In my opinion less focus is put on the issue as time passes when there should be the most.  Noticing how the media and relevant experts discuss the issue I get the impression that the situation is taken for granted.

I am asking myself why all these stakeholders don`t analyse how the abduction of 276 schoolgirls will influence their psychological state and re-socialization after the trauma they`ve gone through? I don’t want to discuss the worst scenario because still want to believe the humans are good in their nature. We want to believe there is still hope for humanity.

For instance, how many of them will be able to lead a normal life afterwards? How many of them will be having the strength and courage to interact with someone from the other religion in the future? How many of them will be capable and strong enough to erase those memories and continue living without them? How many of them will be able to trust somebody? – I assure you, NONE of them.

The message I want to share is that the leaders of the world, the significant ones and non-significant `others`  like us – we need to pay more attention to situations like this! It is shameful and does not meet the level of consciousness of humanity to tolerate acts such as abduction and deprivation of the right to live peacefully (especially children).

Why don`t they take into consideration all these factors together when bargaining about their positions?  I believe we are all facing a massive inversion of a core values.

I don`t want us to live with the idea that Nigeria is far somewhere in Africa and we shouldn`t get involved.  We are all suffering from some type of violence. Some don’t recognise it as violence. The social media campaign Bring Back Our Girls is a spotlight of this drama. But it`s influence is determined.

Let us not be undetermined. Let us wake up from our daily dreaming and empathise with the anguish of these people. Cause Nigeria is not that far.

–Sanja Angelovska is a psychologist and researcher and lives in the Republic of Macedonia. She is a Masters Candidate in International Relations – Conflict Resolution and Studies of South-Eastern Europe. She is currently training in Family and Systematic Psychotherapy. She also likes to continually build her capacity and share her experiences at relevant seminars and workshops at least once a month. Sanja loves to spend time with Jana and Jaka her pet cats and enjoys traveling and reading.

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